Pussy Patois

“It’s really easy to believe that ‘nothing is sacred’ when the sanctity of your own body and your freedom are never legitimately threatened.”

-Lindy West

The cocktails are excellent, Jim!

Yeah and so are the women, goddamn.

And our eyes trail along the passing curvaceous swath of red

silk and legs.

Hey I’ll tell ya what, I’d have that bitch upstairs in

five minutes if she looked at me

The way she looked at you.

Jeeeeeeezzz, I’ll tell ya what.

We laugh and laugh and laugh our heads off because

everyone knows

John can’t get pussy for shit.

We roll our eyes because hell! What can you joke about

anymore these days?

Without some bitch clearing her throat

And making eye contact, bloating the moment and making

it catch

And ruining the joke.

Women hate jokes. They don’t understand humor.

I slept with some bitch last week and after we were

done

She says something about making love.

I cut her straight off and say to her, I say,

Whaddaya mean, ‘making love?’ The fun we just

had?

Your mouth is sexy, babe, but not when ya say shit

like that.

See?

Why would a woman say some naive shit like that?

Hey Jimmy, these cigars are fantastic. Are they Cuban?